Archive for May, 2009

Alfie, 13, not father of baby? Sex Education is Poor?

Posted in Comedy, Controversy, Diet, Education, Folklore, Food & Drink, Health and Beauty, Living, News Media, Politics, Religion, Romance, Science, Sex, TV, Urban Myths with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 19, 2009 by Richard James Clark II

Sex Education Is Poor?

Ok two headlines in the last two days about

A mother who finds out her twins have different fathers and a 13 year old-who was actually 12 years old (not much better really) finds out he isn’t a father to a 15 year old girl’s baby .

Now I am not a prude but what is f*cking going on?

Sex education in the UK is at a all-time low

We have every form of contraception in the Western Civilised world but people as young as 12 are pregnant.

In world wide cultures this can occur but it is not advised….but their are countries where they can’t even afford contraception and then this happens in countries which have a decent welfare/monetary system.

Read the latest headline-But I am not being snobby but the people who seem to be making the mistakes are the very poor and this has got to stop…they need to be educated or neuted (this is what you would do to animals!) even if it is advised on television or the welfare system doesn’t support this disgusting behaviour.

As frankly I am getting sick of this CRAP!

READ ON

Little Alfie Patten, reported to have become a parent at the age of 13, did not father a baby, it has been revealed.

In February, The Sun newspaper reported the teenager believed he had made Chantelle Stedman, 15, pregnant when he was aged just 12.

A DNA test has since shown this is not the case and it can now be reported that Tyler Barker, 15, who lives on the same estate as Chantelle in Eastbourne, is in fact the father of baby Maisie, who was born on February 9.

The result can be revealed after East Sussex County Council failed in an attempt to ban reports of the case.

A judgment, made last month by Mrs Justice Eleanor King, said Chantelle had been called a “slut” by four people she did not know. The teenager said “I was crying a lot every day” and feared that the insults would “go on forever”.

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Alfie was “extremely distressed” when he was told he was not the baby’s father in March, the judgment revealed. At the time the story was published, Alfie, who lives with his mother Nicola, 43, in Eastbourne, said he “thought it would be good to have a baby”.

The story renewed calls for better sex education in England, which has the highest rate of teenage pregnancies in western Europe.

But Now READ on about

A parent who gets banned from a swimming pool Breastfeeding her child-talk about double standards

Breastfeeding ‘broke no food rule’

A mother has been told to stop breastfeeding her baby boy by a swimming pool as it breached a leisure centre’s strict poolside ban on food and drink.

Laura Whotton was left fuming when a member of staff said she could not feed 11-week-old Joshua by the pool at John Carroll Leisure Centre, in Nottingham.

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The 26-year-old, from Carrington, in the city, was feeding her hungry baby there so she could keep an eye on her son Thomas, four.

Nottingham City Council insisted there had been “a misunderstanding” and has promised to apologise to Ms Whotton.

It is also issuing new guidelines to its leisure centre staff.

A council spokeswoman said: “The rules are that there’s definitely no food and drink poolside, but breastfeeding is exempt from that rule. People can breastfeed anywhere.”

Ms Whotton told the Nottingham Evening Post: “When it happened, it made me feel angry.

“It could put people off going swimming and has made me not want to go to the John Carroll Leisure Centre again. But an apology would be fine.”

WHERE IS THE LOGIC

COMMENTS PLEASE-I CAN’T BE ALONE THINKING THIS IS WACK!

Mum’s Shock At Twins With Different Dads

Posted in Comedy, Controversy, Diet, Education, Folklore, Health and Beauty, News Media, Religion, Sex, TV, Urban Myths with tags , , , on May 18, 2009 by Richard James Clark II

Mum’s Shock At Twins With Different Dads

A mother of twins has had a shock after doctors revealed that her 11-month-old boys do not have the same father

Mia Washington decided to get some expert advice when she and her partner noticed that twins Justin and Jordan had different facial features.

Paternity tests then revealed what had happened – two eggs had been fertilised by two different sperm and there was a 99.99% chance the twins had different dads.

Doctors at the DNA lab in Dallas, Texas had never seen such a result.

Mia later admitted she had had an affair and got pregnant by two different men at the same time.

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She told TV channel Fox 4: “Out of all people in America and of all people in the world, it had to happen to me. I’m very shocked.”

Clear Diagnostics president Genny Thibodeaux said: “It is very crazy. Most people don’t believe it can happen, but it can.”

Sky’s health correspondent Thomas Moore explains: “A woman can release two eggs from her ovaries, and the eggs will remain viable for 24 hours after ovulation.

“Sperm can survive up to five days inside a woman’s body, so a woman could sleep with different men several days apart, and get pregnant not once, but twice.”

And while it sounds rare, recent research indicates that one in 12 non-identical twins are so-called bi-paternal, with a rise in fertility treatment and changing sexual behaviour being blamed.

Mia’s partner James Harrison is father to one of the boys.

He told Fox 4 that he had forgiven his fiancee for having the affair and intended to raise both children as his own.

However, he admitted it had been tough discovering the truth.

“It’s a day by day thing. It’s going to take time to build the trust like we had,” he said.

The couple plan to tell the twins they are half-brothers when they are old enough to understand.

Sample Alert No 2-Hip-Hop Tracks

Posted in Dance, Education, Music, Nights Out, Romance, Urban Myths, Vinyl Records with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 17, 2009 by Richard James Clark II

This guy is crazy but give him credit he is enthusiastic-this is part XXI on wax-and i will put more on here…

This is showing original tracks and explaining which Hip-Hop tracks use these samples…

Enjoy

Sample Alert No 1-Music Samples Used

Posted in Dance, Education, Folklore, Music, Urban Myths, Vinyl Records with tags , , , on May 17, 2009 by Richard James Clark II

OK, as I am a song-writer, learning to DJ and an overall music nerd!

I am doing a series of Original songs and where the sample is being used.

I like both these songs, i can’t say that for all the tracks you will find on here, but

The original is here, a track by The Chi-Lites (who will feature alot in the next few weeks)

This is the song David Morales-Needin You which uses a sample from the above song…

How Are Crayons Made?-Sesame Street

Posted in Cartoons, Education, Literature and Books, Living, TV with tags , , , on May 17, 2009 by Richard James Clark II

Yes I am like a little child sometimes but I did used to wonder how things were made….

So here is a video on

How Are Crayons Made?

Enjoy

Wayman Tisdale 1964-2009-dies at age 44 after bout with Cancer

Posted in Basketball, Education, Health and Beauty, Living, News Media, Religion with tags , , , , , , on May 15, 2009 by Richard James Clark II

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I was sad to hear this today about a former NBA player who was such a great role model to players (Blake Griffin will likely be the Number One draft pick in the 2009 NBA draft) and children in his local area and then went onto to become a successful award winning jazz musician.

Through his battle with cancer he set-up his own organisation Wayman Tisdale Foundation and with his own record company develop musicians such as Keite Young with Hidden Beach.

This is the article from Associated Press-Respect and Prayers to his family and friends

Wherever Wayman Tisdale went, whatever he was doing, chances were he was smiling.

Tisdale was a three-time All-American at Oklahoma in the mid-1980s before playing a dozen years in the NBA and later becoming an accomplished jazz musician.

But those who knew Tisdale, who died Friday at a hospital in his hometown of Tulsa, Okla., recalled not only his professional gifts but a perpetually sunny outlook, even in the face of a two-year battle with cancer that took his life at 44.

“I don’t know of any athlete at Oklahoma or any place else who was more loved by the fans who knew him than Wayman Tisdale,” said Billy Tubbs, who coached Tisdale with the Sooners. “He was obviously, a great, great player, but Wayman as a person overshadowed that. He just lit up a room and was so positive.”

Jeff Capel, the current Oklahoma coach, noted Tisdale’s “incredible gift of making the people who came in contact with him feel incredibly special.”

After three years at Oklahoma, Tisdale played in the NBA with the Indiana Pacers, Sacramento Kings and Phoenix Suns. The 6-foot-9 forward, with a soft left-handed touch on the court, averaged 15.3 points for his career. He was on the U.S. team that won the gold medal in the 1984 Olympics.

Gov. Brad Henry attended Oklahoma at the same time Tisdale did and later appointed him to the state’s Tourism Commission.

“Oklahoma has lost one of its most beloved sons,” Henry said. “Wayman Tisdale was a hero both on and off the basketball court. … Even in the most challenging of times, he had a smile for people, and he had the rare ability to make everyone around him smile. He was one of the most inspirational people I have ever known.”

State senators paused and prayed Friday morning after learning of his death.

Tisdale learned he had a cancerous cyst below his right knee after breaking his leg in a fall at his home in Los Angeles on Feb. 8, 2007. He said then he was fortunate to have discovered the cancer early.

“Nothing can change me,” Tisdale told The Associated Press last June. “You go through things. You don’t change because things come in your life. You get better because things come in your life.”

His leg was amputated last August and a prosthetic leg that he wore was crimson, one of Oklahoma’s colors. He attended an Oklahoma City Thunder game April 7 and later that month was honored at the Greenwood Cultural Center in Tulsa. During the ceremony, he spoke about his cancer, saying “In my mind, I’ve beaten it.”

He recently told Tulsa television station KTUL he had acute esophagitis, which prevented him from eating for about five weeks and led to significant weight loss. Among the causes of that condition are infections, medications, radiation therapy and systemic disease.

Last month, Tisdale was chosen for induction into the National Collegiate Basketball Hall of Fame.

He was the first freshman to be a first-team All-American since freshmen were allowed to play again in the 1971-72 season. He was also one of 10 three-time All-Americans. Patrick Ewing and Tisdale were the last to accomplish the feat, from 1983-85.

“On the court, he was an offensive machine that could score with the best of them,” said Dallas Mavericks president Donnie Nelson, an assistant on Tisdale’s Suns teams. “Off the court, he was grounded in faith and family.”

Tisdale played on an Olympic team that sailed to the gold medal in Los Angeles. The squad was coached by Bob Knight and featured the likes of Ewing, Michael Jordan, Sam Perkins and Chris Mullin.

“Wayman was kind of a catalyst for people accepting roles,” said C.M. Newton, the manager of the ’84 team and now chairman of the NIT selection committee. “Michael was the leader of the team but Wayman was special in that way.”

Perkins and Tisdale shared a love of music and became friends during the Olympics. Perkins later was the best man at Tisdale’s wedding.

“That’s a real friend who’s got your back and would do just about anything for you,” Perkins said. “That smile just gets you.”

As a musician, Tisdale recorded eight albums. A bass guitarist who often wrote his own material, his most recent album, “Rebound,” was inspired by his fight with cancer and included guest appearances by several artists, including saxophonist Dave Koz and country star and fellow Oklahoma native Toby Keith.

His “Way Up!” release debuted in July 2006 and spent four weeks as the No. 1 contemporary jazz album. His hits included “Ain’t No Stopping Us Now,” “Can’t Hide Love” and “Don’t Take Your Love Away.”

“He was truly an inspiration to me, paving the way for an athlete like myself to pursue a passion for writing and performing music,” said Bernie Williams, the former New York Yankees star turned jazz musician. “I had the honor and privilege of having Wayman perform on the title track of my new album, and was looking forward to collaborating with him again.”

Tisdale averaged 25.6 points and 10.1 rebounds during his three seasons with the Sooners, earning Big Eight Conference player of the year each season.

He still holds Oklahoma’s career records for points and rebounds. Tisdale also owns the school’s single-game scoring mark — 61 points against Texas-San Antonio as a sophomore — and career marks for points per game, field goals and free throws made and attempts.

In 1997, Tisdale became the first Oklahoma player in any sport to have his jersey number retired. Two years ago, then-freshman Blake Griffin asked Tisdale for permission to wear No. 23, which Tisdale granted. Griffin went on to become the consensus national player of the year this past season as a sophomore.

“I spoke with him pretty frequently this past season and he helped me in ways he probably doesn’t even know,” Griffin said.

Tisdale is survived by his wife, Regina, and four children.

5 Massive Hit Songs That Almost Didn’t Get Released-Cracked.com

Posted in Comedy, Controversy, Dance, Folklore, Literature and Books, Music, Nights Out, Politics, Racism, Romance, Urban Myths with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 10, 2009 by Richard James Clark II

5 Massive Hit Songs That Almost Didn’t Get Released-Cracked.com

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We like to think we all know a hit song when we hear one. If we don’t, we like to at least think that guys like Quincy Jones and Keith Richards know a hit song when they hear one (it’s sort of their job).

Apparently, it’s not as easy as we thought, as a lot of classic songs almost never made it out of the studio.

#5. “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” – Rolling Stones

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Like most awesome things, this song originated in the middle of the night. Unlike most awesome things, this song originated in Florida. During the Rolling Stones 1965 US tour, Keith Richards woke up suddenly for reasons that shockingly had nothing to do with heroin. He had a riff in his head that was harder to shake than his heroin habit. Keith Richards. Heroin. Get it? Anybody?

Anyway, the story goes that Richards got up and recorded the riff and the phrase “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” before dozing off. The next day, Keith and Mick fleshed out the track, and immediately Keith began to hate the shit out of his late night inspiration. At first his complaint was that the song was too “folksy.” And we all know that the last thing the music buying public of 1965 wanted was “folksy” sounding rock music.

It didn’t stop there. Keith later admitted that he considered the title “…just a working title. It could have been ‘Aunt Millie’s Caught Her Left Tit In The Mangle.’ I thought of it as just a little riff, an album filler. I never thought it was commercial enough to be a single.” He expressed concerns that the riff sounded too similar to Martha And The Vandella’s “Dancing In The Street,” and would’ve been happier if the riff was just quietly tucked away somewhere, never to be talked about again.

Eventually the rest of the band had to drag Richards into the studio and force him to record the song that he wrote and showed them in the first place. Even then, he considered his guitar part a scratch track and the recording an unfinished demo. Keith just wasn’t satisfied.

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Fortunately, all the other band members, their manager, the sound engineer and we assume several wandering passersby all outvoted Richards by a landslide to release the single. The song spent two weeks at #1, and Richards’s throwaway scratch track become one of the Rolling Stone’s most recognizable anthems, and boosted sales of the Gibson fuzzbox he used on the recording to the point where supplies ran out by the end of the year.

As a sidebar, in light of the fact that Richards never went back to claim it, some of us in the Cracked writers pool have decided to use the song title “Aunt Millie’s Caught Her Left Tit In The Mangle” for our in-house garage metal band DIKCHOKE. Expect an exclusive release on our Myspace page later this year.

#4.”Kiss” – Prince

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Love him or hate him, we can’t deny that Prince conquered pop music in the mid-80s, slapped its ass, pulled its hair and convinced it to do more than a few things it would regret later.

In 1986, Prince was at the top of his game and had started taking other bands under his dainty, bedazzled wing, like Morris Day’s band The Time and the “chick who’s humping Prince” project Appolynia 6. Also this band Mazarati but, as you’ll soon see, no one really gives a damn about Mazarati.

Prince was diverse and talented enough to realize when he was writing a song that wasn’t a Prince song. Such was the case, at the time, with “Kiss” which, believe it or not, was composed as a folksy/country song. Unable to finish it, he brought the demo track to his pet project du jour, Mazarati.

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Unimpressed and kinda pissed, the band spent an entire day in the Paisley Park studio with engineer David Z completely rebuilding the track from the ground up. They retired for the night not believing the track was good enough. Or so they thought.

David Z returned the next morning to find Prince in the studio, tightening up his own freshly-recorded guitar and vocal tracks to the song. Reacting to Z’s stunned confusion, Prince retorted that “This song is too good for you guys. I’m taking it back.” This decision is likely the reason you had probably never heard of Mazarati before today.

Prince started cutting. He dropped the bass guitar off the track, along with all instruments but voice, guitar, drum machine and backing vocals. The result was shockingly sparse; only nine tracks were included in the mix down (most modern pop songs include roughly that many tracks for the vocals alone).

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When the people at Warner heard it, they kind of wondered where, you know, all the instruments and stuff were (they said it sounded like a demo). So if you’re keeping score, the song was rejected by Prince, rejected by a shitty almost-Prince funk band and then reimagined as a sparse, bass-less song which was then almost rejected by the label.

Prince, probably after crossing his arms and whimpering in falsetto, told them that was the track they were getting and they better just deal with it. After a massive fight, the label reluctantly released it.

“Kiss” hit #1, and proved a triumph for a musician who was given more artistic freedom than pretty much any since. As for Mazarati, well, Prince later provided them with an outtake song by The Time called “Jerk Out” that made it nowhere until The Time took it back and made another # 1 hit off of it.

Seriously, after doing the research for this, we here at Cracked have been sending Mazarati friend requests on their official Myspace page, possibly one of the saddest official Myspace band pages ever. In-house Cracked band DIKCHOKE has only been around as long as this article, and we’ve already accumulated twice as many friends.

#3.”Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” – Eurythmics

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Believe it or not, there was a point when no one had ever heard of Annie Lennox and Dave Stewart–better known as Eurythmics, even better known as the scary chick in the tuxedo and the guy playing the cello in the cow pasture and even better known as “that 80s band that wrote that Marilyn Manson song.” That “song,” “Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This),” almost didn’t exist because the band, dropped from their label after a lackluster and hit less first album, almost completely dissolved before composing it.

In 1982, the band, which had started in 1980, had yet to make a single that even approached the minor success of their previous band. Their first album was plagued by management troubles, and by the time they were recording “Sweet Dreams,” they were reduced to recording in an improvised “home studio” (read: attic of a warehouse) and were in-between labels.

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Their arguments became more severe–which tends to happen when you combine artists with poverty–to the point where Lennox could not take it anymore and threatened to leave. Then, with a cold suaveness more easily expected from James Bond than a pasty synth-pop composer, Stewart replied “Okay, fine, you don’t mind if I go ahead and program the drum computer then, do you?” (he’s British, so we don’t know if “drum computer” is a euphemism for something filthy, but we’d guess that, no, it is not). And there, with Dave Stewart fucking around on a drum machine, and Annie Lennox curled up on the floor sobbing, commenced what is likely the most awkward, creepy and uncomfortable recording session since Phil Spector held a gun to Leonard Cohen’s head.

While screwing around, Stewart accidentally reversed a synthesized bass line, and holy shit did it sound badass. Badass enough that Lennox “could not resist” getting on her keyboard and laying down a synth line. The words just came to her and she improvised the lyrics and vocals right there in one take. From the looks of it, they probably made up the “plot” of the music video on the spot right then too.

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Of course, this incident just followed the standard behavioral instinct of “if you’re in the middle of an argument that angry sex can’t solve, just get on the computer” that most guys possess. Except instead of playing World Of Warcraft until four in the morning, Dave Stewart put together an international hit song, and married one of the chicks from Bananarama. Kind of puts your life in perspective, doesn’t it?

#2. “What’s Going On” – Marvin Gaye

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Marvin Gaye is responsible for more unstoppable sex than prison. We owe so much to “Let’s Get it On,” and the fact that at one time Marvin Gaye wasn’t given his way is downright terrifying, but it’s true. About a decade into his career, Gaye had already established himself as an extraordinarily singular Motown talent, despite frequently bristling against the regimented structure of the Detroit label. But in 1970, after a crumbling marriage and the death of close friend/duet partner Tammi Terrell, Gaye became suddenly reflective and nearly ready to quit music altogether, even going so far as to try out for that year’s draft of the Detroit Lions.

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The main thing Marvin had resented about the Motown system was its separation of songwriter, performer and producer as individual cogs of a hit-making machine whose responsibilities and talents were not to be mixed. With some production credit under his belt–with Motown session-band The Originals–and new songwriting partners Al Cleveland and Renaldo Benson of Four Tops fame, Marvin Gaye was ready to break out of his previous station in the machine and take control of all aspects of his destiny; his decision to buck the system influenced countless other talented artists–from peers like Stevie Wonder to later artists like Michael Jackson and Prince–to also take production and songwriting control of their product. He was about to completely shake up the music industry, but first he had to get released.

“What’s Going On” pleads for understanding. In the background of the master track, you can hear a party going on from which Gaye’s voice is markedly detached; a lonely, but passionate, voice in the crowd. The result of Gaye’s complex songwriting, mixed with his abilities as a producer and an arranger was startlingly different from anything previously released by Motown. When the final master 45 was presented for release, The CEO of Motown called it “the worst record he had ever heard.” Oh, did we mention that the CEO of Motown, Barry Gordy Jr., was Marvin Gaye’s brother-in-law?

Gordy apparently believed that the music-buying public at the time would not be able to identify with a heartfelt cry of confusion and despair over social unrest and injustice. We here at Cracked are guessing he hadn’t picked up a newspaper since early November of 1963.

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Marvin stood his ground, however, threatening to walk away from music forever and, after a short stand-off, “What’s Going On” was released, and critical and commercial response was almost instant. It became Motown’s fastest selling single, the biggest hit of 1971, became Gaye’s signature song–even topping out all the other massive hit songs he was already known for–and paved the way for the even more massive hit album “Let’s Get It On.”

#1.”Billie Jean” – Michael Jackson

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Off The Wall was Michael Jackson’s first album outside of the Jackson 5 franchise and his initial departure from Motown. He regarded it as his finest work, and it actually did well both critically and commercially, but it wasn’t enough. He felt cheated that Off The Wall didn’t win Album Of The Year, and he wasn’t going to be happy until he was at the helm of something too big to ignore. In his first step, he did something every 21-year-old has dreamed of doing and fired the shit out of his dad.

With producer Quincy Jones, the two collaborated on a monolithic pop masterpiece. It’s estimated that 300 original songs were penned for the project and condensed down to nine.

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While composing “Billie Jean,” Jackson knew he had a hit. He frequently relates a story about leaving the studio so focused on the song that he didn’t even notice that the car he was in was on fire. Strangely enough, a few years later during the recording of a Pepsi commercial featuring a revamped version of the track, he caught the fuck on fire again. Once is a weird coincidence, twice is just damn spooky.

Jacko may have thought he had a hit, but Quincy Jones sure as hell didn’t think so. Quincy thought the track, inspired by a homicidal-suicidal stalker and that apparently made its singer burst into flames, was “too weak” for the album. He hated the demo, especially the bass-line, and he wanted to change the title. Eventually he relented, insisting amongst his studio musicians that this track needed to have a “unique sonic personality” to be worthwhile. Vocal overdubs were sung through giant cardboard tubes and the drum pattern was overlayed with sounds of cinder blocks and chunks of wood. They even brought in a guy to play something called a lyricon, an instrument that looks like it should have been played by a member of the Mos Eisley pub band.

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So the track made the album, but its problems didn’t end there: MTV refused to air the video. MTV’s policy at the time was that black performers were not “rock” enough; a view that’s shocking not only because it’s racist as all hell, but also laughably ignorant of music history. It took Walter Yetnikoff, president of CBS, the record label Jackson was on, threatening to both pull all CBS artist’s videos off of MTV and publicly exposing them as the racist fuckwits they were to get the “Billie Jean” video on rotation. Rotation that quickly became heavy rotation as the song rocketed up the charts.

“Billie Jean,” as you know, became a massive hit, Jackson got his Album Of The Year, and Thriller went on to become, by all accounts, the best-selling album of all time. Having achieved everything he had set out to do and significantly more, Michael Jackson moved to his dream home at Neverland Ranch and lived happily ever after… oh wait.