Great Cast, Rubbish Movie! Choosen by Ed Holden, MSN Movies Editor

Ed Holden, MSN Movies Editor

The great actors of today have earned their legendary status by starring in the unquestioned classics we all know and love. Look a little closer though and you’ll discover that even our most celebrated stars have made the odd stinker.

Occasionally, an entire ensemble of top-rung talent combines to produce the kind of dung we expect to find in the £1 bargain bin. How did they get it so wrong? Well, they’d rather not talk about it. Here are the worst movies ever made by great casts.

Alexander

Alexander

Oliver Stone takes on history’s greatest invader. The hype was huge. And so was the budget. The money left over after the ancient cities were constructed was spent on a stellar cast. But they couldn’t rescue this one. Ancient Macedonians with Irish accents, battles shot with cameras set to “epilepsy-inducing”, every (miscast) actor wearing lorryloads of make-up: just a few of the many reasons it was awful.
The Talent: Colin Farrell, Angelina Jolie, Val Kilmer, Anthony Hopkins, Jared Leto, Rosario Dawson.

Shark Tale

A Sharks Tale

It was always destined to play second fiddle to Finding Nemo – the fishy feature that became the biggest selling DVD of all time. Cliched, predictable and unlovable, even to nine-year-olds, Shark Tale was the low end of the CG animation explosion. But take a look at the cast list and you’d think it was a modern-day crime thriller of the highest calibre.
The Talent: Will Smith, Robert De Niro, Angelina Jolie, Jack Black, Renee Zellweger, Martin Scorsese.

Be Cool

Be Cool

What’s most unbelievable is that, for all the big-name acting talent on offer, the only entertaining character was played by a guy who’d just finished a lengthy wrestling career. There’s hope for Hulk Hogan yet…
The Talent: John Travolta, Uma Thurman, Vince Vaughn, Harvey Keitel, Danny DeVito, James Woods, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

Lions For Lambs

Law of the lambs

What just happened? Tom Cruise was sitting in an office, Meryl Streep was saying something about “The War On Terror”, Robert Redford was lecturing, then… oh yeah! We fell asleep. That last part was easily the least boring. Preachy, overlong and insufferably dull, this one felt every bit like a bad day at the office.
The Talent: Tom Cruise, Meryl Streep, Robert Redford, Michael Pena.

He’s Just Not That Into You

He's just not that into you

The poster reads like a who’s who of Hollywood glamour-cats. But, with the exception of Jennifer Aniston, the A-listers on the call-sheet were all playing mini-roles that added up to little more than a reel of extended cameos. The movie itself was simply neurotic singleton Ginnifer Goodwin embarking on a two-hour mission to find a man with nerves strong enough to put up with her. Ours certainly were not.
The Talent: Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Connelly, Scarlett Johansson, Bradley Cooper.

Righteous Kill

Rightous Kill

Finally!! The re-union of Pacino and DeNiro we’ve all been waiting for!! We were given the slightest glimpse of Al v Bob in that electrifying scene in Heat (1995). Now we would have a whole movie of these two towers of crime drama fighting the bad guys side-by-side. But… no. Making Pacino look bad for the second time (88 minutes was perhaps even worse), Jon Avnet delivers a turgid string of criminal set-pieces that would have gone straight to DVD were it not for the names.
The Talent: Robert DeNiro, Al Pacino, John Leguizamo, 50 Cent.

The Brothers Grimm

Brothers Grime

A combination of two of Tinseltown’s best leading males, directed by Terry Gilliam in the kind of mythical comedy environment where the Monty Python director usually excels. But, for all the labours of a nightmare shoot, the humour fell flat, especially during the onset of some particularly hammy special effects sequences.
The Talent: Matt Damon, Heath Ledger, Monica Bellucci, Jonathan Pryce.

Space Cowboys

Space Cowboys

Half movie half Hollywood old boy network re-union, this was never going to be a masterpiece. Nevertheless, mash together the magic touches of Clint, Tommy and Donald and you expect something rather better than this. Three of the finest ingredients, combined to make something you wouldn’t feed the cat.
The Talent: Clint Eastwood, Donald Sutherland, Tommy Lee Jones, James Cromwell.

Bonfire Of The Vanities

Bonifre of the Vanities

A title that has become synonymous with the word “flop”, this abomination saw each of the lead characters struggling with faux-comedic caricatures that are just never convincing as Hanks and Willis lock horns over a tabloid scandal. The film wants so desperately to be funny. But it never takes off – swapping miscast Hanks and Willis in the two lead parts might have gone some way to rescuing it.
The Talent: Tom Hanks, Bruce Willis, Melanie Griffith, Kim Cattrall, Morgan Freeman.

Ocean’s Twelve

Oceans Twelve

Imagine if Ronaldo, Ronaldinho, Rooney and Messi all played for the same team. Now imagine if they lost in a shock defeat to West Bromwich Albion. How did they manage to get it wrong?! That’s how it felt when Ocean’s Twelve first crossed our screens.
The Talent: Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Julia Roberts, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Andy Garcia.

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One Response to “Great Cast, Rubbish Movie! Choosen by Ed Holden, MSN Movies Editor”

  1. May I also recommend Appallosa for this list? The male cast listing for this film is absolutely spot on, it’s a goldmine for excellent actors. The introduction of Rene Zellweger ruins it all though. I’m sure it’s not entirely her fault, but once her character saunters in the film just nose-dives.

    I wanted heroic lawmen against fearless renegades! Not a convoluted love story that makes Ed Harris look like a schmuck.

    You have to admit, judging Al Pacino and Rob DeNiro’s performances these days is just unfair. Why can’t they retire gracefully!

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